


Dinnertime

by ubercharge



Series: Moonlit Desert [2]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Dinner, Gen, Marshmallows, moonlit desert tag, of course that's a tag. this site is amazing omg, rated teen for scout's potty mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 11:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2267880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ubercharge/pseuds/ubercharge
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scout gets chloroform on his hand bandages, a direct consequence of shenanigans during dinner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dinnertime

**Author's Note:**

> This is a 'filler' set in my fic [Wolf Teeth](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2267613/chapters/4981215), right between chapters [4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2267613/chapters/4981464) and [5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2267613/chapters/4981503).
> 
> Maybe you were wondering how the hell Scout got chloroform on his hands. Maybe you weren't.
> 
> Anyway, I removed this from the actual fic because it wasn't important enough to the story to justify keeping it in.

At the BLU base, Friday night BBQ wasn’t too different from the RED base’s. The Scout was tossing Pyro marshmallows, and with a puff of fire and air, it’d be returned to him. He tried to catch them with a stick. Despite his speed, there were still many white splatters on the ground.

“C’mon, blow ‘em a little higher!” he said, just barely spearing one. Scout tossed the stick to Demoman, who had already eaten five of the treats.

“Are y’all just gonna keep eatin’ those things? I did cook actual food.” the Engineer called.

“Mm mmphrm mhmrph mrmmph.” Pyro replied, shrugging.

“Hm. You’re right, Medic does usually show up for dinner on time. Think he’s with Spy?” Engineer replied, flipping beef patties.

“I have no idea how you two communicate.” Scout muttered, taking the marshmallow sticks from Demoman and tossing them into the firepit.

“Mmmprh mmph?” Pyro asked.

“No, I don’t expect Spy to show up. Never does. But if you find Medic, just tell ‘im dinner’s ready.” Engie said.

Pyro nodded dutifully, putting their flamethrower down by the Engineer, and headed back into base.

“Scout, do you think you can hand me those bags of bread? The ones with the blue and white labels.” the Engineer said to the boy.

“Why the hell do you even have this other stuff out here if we aren’t eatin’ it?” Scout asked, dropping the bread beside Engineer. He stared at the plastic bags filled to the brim with loaves of bread, buns, and so on.

“That’s not important. Just remember not to open any of them.” Engie replied, handing Demoman a burger.

“AAAGH! WHAT THE FUCK?!” Scout yelled. Without looking up, the Engineer sighed loudly, and picked up Pyro’s flamethrower.

It was stupid of him to open the bags, but nobody could blame Scout for being unprepared for the pieces of bread _lunging_ out and latching onto his face. He fell back, trying to claw them off of him.

“Hold still!” Engineer shouted, lifting the flamethrower. The Scout was still screaming as Engie swung, and knocked the big loaf off his face. He turned the flamethrower, pulled the trigger, and burned the rest of the bread off.

“Stop it! They’re all gone! That freakin’ tickles, man! Stop!” Scout cried. The fire didn’t hurt him, but he could still feel its tongues licking at him, and the heat that came with it.

The Engineer put the flamethrower down. He took his place by the grill, and shook his head at Scout.

“Told you not to open those bags. Put the bread back in, or they might come after you again.” Engie said.

“Yeah, yeah. You coulda _warned_ me, at least! Ugh, why do they smell so weird? Is it the tumours?” Scout said.

“Probably. But also the chloroform. For whatever reason, it sedates them. You’ll want to grab what I have left in my workshop. And don’t worry! It’s labelled.” Engineer said, tossing the Scout a set of keys.

“Ugh, this stuff’s gross.” Scout muttered, catching the keys. He tied the bag and tossed it onto the others, and got up to find the chloroform.

“Hey, Demo. Soldier and Heavy said they’d be here soon, do you think you can fetch them?” Engie asked. He got a snore in response. The Demoman had finished his burger and passed out. The Engineer shook his head and sighed, returning his attention to the grill.

 

Inside the BLU base, there was a lot of yelling and scuffling going on. A few of the mercs were crowded in the hallway.

“Aw, c’mon! I just need to grab something from Engie’s workshop real quick. I don’t have time for this!” Scout yelled.

“Mmrph mmph?” Pyro said, cocking their head.

“Lemme through, Soldier!” Scout said.

“Negatory! I cannot find the big plates, and you will help me look for them!” Soldier barked.

“Did you check the kitchen cabinets? Or maybe you used them to feed your raccoons again? Y’know, you coulda given half of us rabies after that!” Scout said, crossing his arms.

“My raccoons are _not_ rabid. I told Heavy to check the kitchen, and he’s not back yet!” Soldier said.

“Well, why don’t you go find him? Maybe he got the plates and you’re missin’ dinner.” Scout said, inching away from him.

“Fine. But if he doesn’t have them, then I _will_ find you to help.” Soldier said, leaving him.

With a sigh of relief, Scout turned and ran in the direction of Engineer’s workshop. He knew it was carefully guarded, and one wrong move would send him back to respawn.

The door looked harmless enough. Scout jiggled a key in the lock. It didn’t turn. A spark passed the doorknob, shocking him.

“Dammit!” he hissed, flipping to the next key. There weren’t even that many keys, but Scout wasn’t in the mood for Medic to have to inspect him for signs of damage via electrocution.

Finally, the door unlocked. Scout turned the knob and pushed. Nothing attacked him, so he took it as the warmest welcome he was going to get, and entered. After all, the Engie wouldn’t send him to his workshop if it was going to kill him. Right?

Scout inspected the many shelves and cabinets. Most of them were filled with scrap metal and wires. There were papers and blueprints scattered around the room, too. Where would the Engineer even keep chloroform? What was the point of having any?

After an absurd amount of rummaging (and getting shocked again), the Scout found the little glass bottle labelled in capital letters, ‘CHLOROFORM’.

Scout locked the door carefully and ran back outside. Luckily, nobody had been attacked by bread in his absence.

“Yo, Engie! I got the stuff.” he called, waving.

“Thanks, just dump all of it in the bag. Hold your breath, that bottle’s been... modified a bit.” the Engineer replied.

The Scout did as he was told, untying the bag and dumping the chloroform in, along with its bottle. He tied it back up as quickly as possible, and ran back, gulping in air.

“ _Now_ can I eat?” Scout asked.

“Go wash your hands.” Engie replied.

With a hyperbolic groan, the Scout dashed back into base. He nearly crashed into Soldier on his way there.

“Did you find the big plates?” he asked hopefully, not wanting to be dragged into a stupid hunt for kitchen essentials.

“Yes! Heavy has them.” Soldier replied, stepping out of the way. Heavy, behind the Soldier, was indeed carrying several large plates.

“Oh boy. That’s great. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta wash my hands because Engie thinks I got chloroform on them. I probably did. Whatever. Later!” Scout said, darting into base.

He unwrapped the gauze around his hands, and tossed them into the garbage so he could actually wash his hands free of questionable substances.

Scout headed back to his room for the roll of gauze he’d taken from Medic’s office, but remembered that he’d already run out of the stuff. The runner groaned, and banged on Medic’s door. No answer.

“Yo, Doc! Where are you? I need more bandages for my hands!” he shouted.

He tried the Medic’s office. No answer. Where was the Medic, anyway? Sure, he wasn’t as eager as Soldier when it came to dinner time, but the man still _ate_. Since he hadn’t been at the BBQ, he had to be in base somewhere...


End file.
